Hypocrite or Forgiven?

As senior year started, I prayed with high expectations that God would move and start a revival. I prayed that He would place me in a class that was surrounded with broken people who were searching for help but couldn't find it. My first six classes were a breeze... and then I walked into seventh period. I was surrounded by people I'm not normally surrounded by but I knew I was in here for a reason and that God was answering my prayer to reach the unreached. But I'm not gonna lie, I had a bad attitude walking in. I was thinking, "ohmygosh what am I doing here? I want out of this class." And I found myself being selfish and I was overwhelmed with regret. These people, the ones that most people look down on, are just as human as I am. I can't just stand there and think of myself as better than them or I'll never accomplish what I keep saying I want to. I was so convicted, not condemned, about how I'd been something I hate... a hypocrite. As I was laying in bed contemplating life as always I began thinking about how frustrated I'd been at myself once I realized that I wasn't living the way I wanted to. But the Bible constantly talks about forgiveness, right? So shouldn't I be able to forgive myself for feeling like a hypocrite every once in a while? I mean, we all fall short of God's glory, right? And what about God's grace? If He's gracious with me when I fail, shouldn't I be gracious with myself and understand that I'm human and He understands that? Yes. But that doesn't mean I am. I have this mindset of, "I always have to be kind and perfect or I'm a failure. I have to live up to all of the expectations of the WORLD." But last night after Perspectives, I had this thought... "I don't always have to be my version of kind... God made me the way I am for a reason and He tells me to not conform to the patterns of this world so that would include how I'm kind, right? I can be kind in a different way than most people but still show Jesus." and I was totally overcome with grace as I went over the flyover. What an odd place for that to happen :)

God doesn't always speak with a booming voice or over a loud speaker. Sometimes, He simply speaks in thoughts or whispers. He spoke those thoughts into my head and reminded me of how much I need His grace. He speaks to you in different ways than He does with me but that doesn't mean that He doesn't speak to you directly. The best part about God is He doesn't pick favorites. You need His grace. I need His grace. He has an endless supply of it. Whoever you are, don't give up hope. Don't conform to the patterns of this world. He has a special plan for you. You have a gift that nobody else possess. Don't let the world dull your spark. Let your light shine, oh child of God. You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.